Fashion advice needed.

[saxikath]

The wedding I'm going to next weekend is described as "formal but not black tie." It's also in the Estes Park, Colorado, area in September, which means the weather could be pretty much anything.

I have a long swooshy black skirt that will be fine. I have a pretty red Asian-brocadey-looking top that would also be fine. However, it's sleeveless, so if I'm going to wear it, I need a wrap or something.

I have a pretty red wrap, too. (Those of you who were at tahnan and leighjen's wedding may remember it.) Alas, it is very much not the same red as the top.

My question is this: How much black is acceptable as a wedding guest? I could wear a sleeveless black velvet shell with the skirt and the red wrap. Or I could get a black wrap and wear that with the black skirt and red top. But is that too much black for a wedding?

[Edited to add: Or, alternatively yet again, what would be a good other color of wrap to look for? The top is pretty bright red.]

And if I can't do that, where can I find a non-frumpy dressy top between now and Thursday morning? I tried a couple of places after work today, but as today was definitely one for the Bad Day files (frustrating day at work), of course I didn't find anything.

Comments

[jadelennox]

I'd say the shell with the skirt and red wrap is fine. The black wrap and black skirt, no, too much black. I mean, other people there will be wearing black, but you shouldn't.

That being said, Miss Manners would froth at the mouth at the definition "formal but not black tie."

[in-parentheses.livejournal.com]

Heh. I was going to say the opposite, because if you go with the black shell and you want to take off the wrap because it's warm or you get warm from dancing or whatever, then you'll be wearing nothing *but* black.

But either way? Pretty! And besides, everyone's just looking at the wedding party anyway. I don't see what the big deal about black at weddings is.

[jadelennox]

oh, I didn't notice that the skirt was black either way. Well, as chenoameg said, I don't think you should wear black at weddings (in_parentheses, I know you and I disagree on this, but I think weddings are all about symbolism and symbolism of black and our culture is historically inappropriate at weddings, to me). And I think a black skirt is too much black. But plenty of other people will be wearing black, especially since it's a formal wedding and plenty of people just where their LBDs to formal weddings, so the real reason not to do it is if you're aware of the symbolism and it would make you uncomfortable. I would err on the side of more casual and not black, myself.

Miss Manners points out that the problem with an invitation like "formal but not black-tie" is that nobody knows what it means, so some people will be wearing cocktail dresses, and some people will be wearing formal dresses, and some people will just be wearing church skirts and tops. So I don't think you need to worry too much about the formality.

[saxikath]

Yeah. My mother and I have been being confused at each other about what to wear to this wedding.

The bride is from the family I grew up next door to. I've known her basically since she was born. So this wedding is important to me, and I want to do it right, to the extent that I can. But it's frustrating not knowing what that is.

It's also frustrating that apparently if you're a larger woman, you're only allowed to look frumpy or matronly when you dress up, according to major clothing manufacturers.

I used to have a really pretty antique gold metallic top. I got rid of it when it became too big after I'd been doing all the tap dancing. Rats.

[jadelennox]

lumpybeast was just telling leighjen last night about somewhere that had a great collection of plus-size formalwear right now. I can't remember where, but leighjen might know. And lumpybeast doesn't *do* frumpy or matronly.

[saxikath]

No, indeed. lumpybeast is a shopping goddess.