Fashion advice needed.

[saxikath]

The wedding I'm going to next weekend is described as "formal but not black tie." It's also in the Estes Park, Colorado, area in September, which means the weather could be pretty much anything.

I have a long swooshy black skirt that will be fine. I have a pretty red Asian-brocadey-looking top that would also be fine. However, it's sleeveless, so if I'm going to wear it, I need a wrap or something.

I have a pretty red wrap, too. (Those of you who were at tahnan and leighjen's wedding may remember it.) Alas, it is very much not the same red as the top.

My question is this: How much black is acceptable as a wedding guest? I could wear a sleeveless black velvet shell with the skirt and the red wrap. Or I could get a black wrap and wear that with the black skirt and red top. But is that too much black for a wedding?

[Edited to add: Or, alternatively yet again, what would be a good other color of wrap to look for? The top is pretty bright red.]

And if I can't do that, where can I find a non-frumpy dressy top between now and Thursday morning? I tried a couple of places after work today, but as today was definitely one for the Bad Day files (frustrating day at work), of course I didn't find anything.

Comments

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

FWIW, I think that the red top and black wrap would be Just Swell.

[jadelennox]

I'd say the shell with the skirt and red wrap is fine. The black wrap and black skirt, no, too much black. I mean, other people there will be wearing black, but you shouldn't.

That being said, Miss Manners would froth at the mouth at the definition "formal but not black tie."

[in-parentheses.livejournal.com]

Heh. I was going to say the opposite, because if you go with the black shell and you want to take off the wrap because it's warm or you get warm from dancing or whatever, then you'll be wearing nothing *but* black.

But either way? Pretty! And besides, everyone's just looking at the wedding party anyway. I don't see what the big deal about black at weddings is.

[jadelennox]

oh, I didn't notice that the skirt was black either way. Well, as chenoameg said, I don't think you should wear black at weddings (in_parentheses, I know you and I disagree on this, but I think weddings are all about symbolism and symbolism of black and our culture is historically inappropriate at weddings, to me). And I think a black skirt is too much black. But plenty of other people will be wearing black, especially since it's a formal wedding and plenty of people just where their LBDs to formal weddings, so the real reason not to do it is if you're aware of the symbolism and it would make you uncomfortable. I would err on the side of more casual and not black, myself.

Miss Manners points out that the problem with an invitation like "formal but not black-tie" is that nobody knows what it means, so some people will be wearing cocktail dresses, and some people will be wearing formal dresses, and some people will just be wearing church skirts and tops. So I don't think you need to worry too much about the formality.

[saxikath]

Yeah. My mother and I have been being confused at each other about what to wear to this wedding.

The bride is from the family I grew up next door to. I've known her basically since she was born. So this wedding is important to me, and I want to do it right, to the extent that I can. But it's frustrating not knowing what that is.

It's also frustrating that apparently if you're a larger woman, you're only allowed to look frumpy or matronly when you dress up, according to major clothing manufacturers.

I used to have a really pretty antique gold metallic top. I got rid of it when it became too big after I'd been doing all the tap dancing. Rats.

[jadelennox]

lumpybeast was just telling leighjen last night about somewhere that had a great collection of plus-size formalwear right now. I can't remember where, but leighjen might know. And lumpybeast doesn't *do* frumpy or matronly.

[saxikath]

No, indeed. lumpybeast is a shopping goddess.

[chenoameg.livejournal.com]

Personally I think no one should wear black at weddings. But lots of people do anyways.

So you should wear whichever outfit you think you look better in.

[saxikath]

See, I'm kind of with you on this. Except that the black skirt is really kind of required, given the options I have -- I don't really have a dress that's suitable, so I need to do something with the skirt. So I don't want to overdo the black on the rest of the outfit.

[chenoameg.livejournal.com]

Whichever outfit you wear will be fine.

[musicwliia.livejournal.com]

It may very well not matter at all. Wear whatever makes you look fantastic (but not on a level that competes with the bride).

Do you know what the bridesmaids' colors are? I once went to a wedding were the bridesmaids wore black dresses with a small white sash around the waist. Most of the guests wore black and khaki. And there was a bagpipe player outside. I swear, other than the white limo, people would've thought it was a funeral going on.

[kayre]

I think the black and red would be okay... but maybe you could find a different top that will work with the skirt? That might be easier than finding a dress.

[saxikath]

I've been looking for another top, but the ones I've seen so far are all at least one of (a) black and (b) frumpy or matronly.

[dharklady.livejournal.com]

First off you should wear whatever you want. One thing I noticed about weddings is that no one matches and pretty much no one cares so go with what you got.
On a side note to that if you are looking for a complimentary color to the red top for a wrap or shawl you have several choices. You could go with a red shawl of the same hue (I think that's the word I want) but different shade (ie: a dark red shawl with your bright red top). Or you could go with a wrap of it's opposing color (though this will look bright and in this case a little christmassy)- green. Or you could go with a wrap that is of a color next to red like purple, yellow, or orange. Yay theater.

[mabfan.livejournal.com]

I don't have much advice to offer, but I will say that it would be nice to see a picture of you in whatever outfit you finally choose.

[cazique.livejournal.com]

First of all, any color is fine.

Second of all, "black tie" for women is somewhat nebulous and usually translates to "floor-length."

Ergo, wear what you like and what flatters you best, as long as it's not a floor-length dress - and frankly, even if it is, that's fine too. Anyone looking at you will only notice how great you look, not if you happen not to match.

(The foregoing courtesy of my wife and mother-in-law)

[meranthi.livejournal.com]

If you think you will fit it, I have a floor length navy blue dress I wore for qarylla's wedding. It's sleeveless. I wore it a week later for the firm gala. You would still have the same problem with no sleeves, but your red wrap (or a black one) might work with it.

[wavyarms.livejournal.com]

I think black is not so terrible for weddings nowadays. (The last one I was at, I was a bridesmaid and we were instructed to wear black cocktail dresses.) So I think the black wrap would be fine - after all, you're not all black, and that's usually what people object to, I think.

[tmcay.livejournal.com]

Of the options you originally mentioned, I think I like the black skirt/black shell/red wrap the best. But I think I would like it better if you could find some additional accessory in a lighter neutral tone to soften the other colors, like some sort of scarf or neck piece in cream. I wouldn't worry about "too much black" at a wedding.

Is the ceremony at the Stanley? Anywhere near Estes will be beautiful, but look out for charging elk.