The IgNobel Prizes (long, but lj-cut)

[saxikath]

Sanders Theater at Harvard is a gorgeous space. It seats, oh, 1100 or so, and it's all wood and Victorianness... beautiful place. I've been there for performances and lectures and whatnot, though I never took any of the classes at Harvard that are big enough to need to meet there.

But I've never seen the stage floor covered with paper airplanes, and the audience full of people in silly hats.

Until last night, that is.



The IgNobels, for those unfamiliar with them, are a set of awards given annually to people whose achievements "cannot or should not be repeated." Past winners have included the guy who worked tirelessly to build a suit that bears couldn't break through, and the fellow who did research into why shower curtains billow inward, and a man who did research into, er, certain male accidents with pants zippers.

The awards are sponsored by the folks who put out the Annals of Improbable Research, and the ceremony is held every year at Sanders. This year's ceremony was last night.

If you go in a group of six or more, you can register as an official delegation. I was part of the National Puzzlers' League delegation. Some of the more colorful delegations got to parade in -- the folks from the Museum of Bad Art carried samples from the museum's collection, while the Lawyers For And Against Jargon (the theme of this year's show was "jargon," and delegates were instructed to shout "Jargon!" whenever any of the official presenters said the word "jargon") carried signs in suitably obfuscatory language. There was one delegation of people all in folded newspaper hats, too.

The instructions to delegates also said that when awards were announced, we should throw paper airplanes. People didn't wait for the awards to be announced; planes started flying during the pre-ceremony concert, and didn't stop. It was very amusing to be sitting in this very elegant theater and watch paper airplanes come flying out of the balcony, occasionally bopping presenters on their hats.

The stage was full of what were called "Ignitaries," including the science advisor to the British government and three honest-to-goodness Nobel laureates, who seemed to be enjoying the madness as much as anyone. Along with the awards themselves, the evening featured a number of other diversions:

• The "human spotlights," a man and a woman covered in silver body paint and pointing flashlights at things
  
• "Little Sweetie Poo," a girl with long blond ponytails who, when anyone started to run over their time in a speech, would stand beside them and say, over and over, "Please stop. I'm bored. Please stop. I'm bored."
  
• A 4-act short opera set at the International Jargon Conference ("jargon!"), featuring songs about jargon and jargon-related matters, set to classical tunes. The entire audience was encouraged to sing along with the stirring IJC anthem, to the tune of "Rule, Britannia," -- "Hail to jargon, it's so melodious/Jargon makes misunderstandings harmonious!"
  
• A clever animation of Tom Lehrer's "Elements," during which I frightened the fellow next to me by singing along. :)
  
• The 24/7 Lectures, in each of which an expert on some topic had to give, first, a complete technical summary of his/her field in 24 seconds, and second, a clear summary anyone can understand in 7 words. I remember a few of the 7-word summaries; the person who spoke on language said, "Babies babble; children prattle; adults create haiku." The veterinarian said "It's a dog-eat-doc world." The neurobiologist said, "The brain still fails to understand itself." And the astrophysicist came up with "Star light, star bright, it's my job."
  

And then there were the awards. You can find the whole list here, but here's my take on them. (What frightens me is that all but two or three of the recipients actually came, at their own expense, to accept! The prize itself is one of those sets of plastic chattering teeth, mounted on a stick on a wooden base.)

• The biology prize went to a guy from England who did research on courtship behavior of ostriches toward humans. This was accompanied by slides of excited male and female ostriches. (ooh! aaah!)
  
• The physics prize went to someone who did research on how beer froth obeys the law of exponential decay. The two chemistry Nobel laureates on stage had these big chemistry measuring things, which were filled with beer by an attendant. They then offered one to the award winner, who promptly took a big swig.
  
• The interdisciplinary research prize went to someone who studied bellybutton lint. He told a rather gross story in his acceptance speech, one that I don't feel compelled to repeat here.
  
• The chemistry prize went to the guy who assembled the periodic table table. I actually know someone who was involved with this, which is sort of frightening... does this give me an IgNobel number or something?
  
• The mathematics prize went to a couple of guys who did research on surface area in Indian elephants. They weren't there to collect.
  
• The literature prize went to a couple of researchers who studied how "inappropriate highlighting" affects college students' reading comprehension -- that is, what happens when people buy used books with bad highlighting in them. One of the researchers summed up their results with, "Don't buy books highlighted by an idiot."
  
• The peace prize went to the Japanese researchers who developed a gizmo that purports to translate dog noises into human speech. They tried to demonstrate it, but the dog didn't say much.
  
• The hygiene prize, in a similar vein, went to a guy who developed washing machines for cats and dogs. Unfortunately he wasn't there, so no demonstration.
  
• My favorite: the economics prize, which went to Enron, Arthur Andersen, WorldCom, and a whole slew of other corporations, "for adapting the mathematical concept of imaginary numbers for use in the business world."
  
• And the medicine prize, which went to a guy who studied scrotal asymmetry in nature and in ancient sculpture. This one was accompanied by slides of a basketball and a tennis ball, a large clock and a tiny pocket watch, and Jupiter and Earth.
  


All told, it was an extremely silly evening. Great fun, though.

Comments

[davehogg.livejournal.com]

Why do shower curtains billow inwards?

Did anyone from Enron, WorldCom or AA show up? :)

[saxikath]

I forget exactly... something to do with a vortex effect, I think.

And no, no one was there to accept the economics award. :) Two of the people involved in the show did demonstrate some nice shredder technique on their behalf, though. :)

[crossfire.livejournal.com]

Jargon! Jargon! Jargon! Jargon! Jargon!

I must now go do my own 24/7 lecture.

And...I am surprised anyone would do research on a process as trivial as shower curtain billow. I mean, it's kind of obvious why it happens, at least to me.

[saxikath]

I remember hearing about it at the time, and I have a vague memory that what seemed like the obvious answer didn't actually work. But I don't remember the details.